I want a man who’s gonna show up at my door and surprise me - with or without flowers. I want that 2am text telling me he misses me. I want a handwritten note spilling his feelings for me. But here’s the caveat: I want all this without telling AIDAN I want it. I want him to just DO it. Am I being unrealistic here? Isn’t this what every girl wants? Why don’t guys just know this and do something about it? These things are mostly done when you’re dating and not living together (well except for the handwritten note thing). And with AIDAN talking about moving in together in the near future, the clock is ticking. We have sort of a long-distance relationship (we live 45 minutes apart) and so little gestures of love and thoughtfulness go a long way. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a romantic, thoughtful guy but I guess I’m looking for the great gestures. The big things. Is that unfair?
Tonight I hung out with MY TWIN and I asked him what was the most romantic thing he’s ever done for his girlfriend and he said he took her to - what he thought was - a nice restaurant. She felt differently because “there are people wearing jeans here.” He said that they talk about this regularly because he feels so pressured to be more romantic. We also talked about what would be one thing you would change about your lover? Mine is that it talks FOREVER for AIDAN to respond to texts. That and his wardrobe. He needs ‘What Not To Wear’ to swing by and pretty him up.
Maybe I’m hyper-focusing on the whole ‘grand gestures’ thing because my life is kinda in limbo right now and that’s not AIDAN’S fault. I got fired from my lame-o job (which was a blessing in disguise) and am now waiting to hear back from a new job that I am much more suited for and will enjoy infinitely more than the last one. It’s been a few weeks now and I’m finding it hard to fill my time. Sure, now’s when I’m supposed to “do all the things I’ve always wished I had time for” like read books, watch documentaries, scrapbook, really clean my room, etc. But some days I just don’t feel like doing anything. I just wanna hang with my boo. But he’s busy. He’s got his job during the day and then he has his band, and he has his ‘Friday Night Buddy’, and he has his neighbor friend, and his work friend... And then there’s me. I admire him for having the whole ‘Work/Social Life Balance’ in check but I wish there was more time for me. Maybe he doesn’t have it all in check after all? For example, we’ve seen each other twice this past week and one of those times he was sick and I dropped by to surprise him (though that backfired royally) but he just kinda laid there most of the time - which I totally get, because like I said he was sick. But I wish we could see each other more. I wish he would come by me more. The ratio of time spent at his place vs. mine is about 90/10. I’m the one spending gas money and putting miles on my car to go see him. So as I’ve said before, it’d be nice to hear the doorbell ring and have him standing there when I opened the door.
I wish I could tell myself, “I’m not gonna go by him anymore - if he wants to see me, he’ll have to come by me” and really mean it. But he invited me to his band practice tomorrow and because I miss him so much, I’ll probably end up driving down there to see him. WIll it be quality time? No. Will I get to make out with him? Probably not. Will I look like a pathetic groupie to his bandmates? Probably. But the TWIN said that when you really care about someone, you support them and their passions. His girlfriend is all about running marathons and stuff. And although MY TWIN can’t stand the thought of walking at a brisk pace, let alone run, he shows up to all her races and supports her. I said I didn’t wanna go see AIDAN’S band because what if they suck? Or what if I’m just not into the music? But MY TWIN said that it shouldn’t matter. You’re going to support your man and something that he likes to do. So I guess my whole “Stick to Your Guns” attitude about traveling to see him won’t be working out just yet. Hurmph. What’s a girl to do?