Last Wednesday we ended things. Thursday was a blur. Friday it hit me and I had a pity party that lasted until Sunday. This sucks. I went over there on Wednesday to scare him into admitting his love for me but that just backfired. Badly. Instead I found ANOTHER text message from a different girl and this one had major sexual overtones. I flipped and started gathering all my things from his closet while he sat there on the bed, totally unfazed, and asking me why I’m upset. I blurted out things like, “So how many other girls are there?” and “Why don’t you go call HER?!” and “It doesn’t even matter because I don’t believe anything you say anyway!” Which is totally true. You see, my ex (THE STALLION) suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder. I know this because my therapist and I have had several conversations about him and she even pulled out the DSM-V to prove that he is a psychopath. Allow me to give you some insight... A person with antisocial personality disorder may:
- Be able to act witty and charming
- Be good at flattery and manipulating other people's emotions
- Break the law repeatedly
- Disregard the safety of self and others
- Have problems with substance abuse
- Lie, steal, and fight often
- Not show guilt or remorse
- Often be angry or arrogant
The STALLION was all of the above. And yet, I still decided to date him. But it’s not like I knew all this in the beginning. It took some time for all of his, um, qualities to appear out in the open.
So now we’re done. It’s been over a week and I’m doin alright. I gave myself last weekend to sulk and mourn and cry over yet another failed relationship. It’s hard to grieve for something that was a complete and utter lie though; I mean, everything (and I mean everything) from beginning to end was a fucking lie. I have no idea who this person really is and I will never know. The one thing I do know is that he’s a total sociopath and he is missing the conscious chip. You know, the part of yourself that feels empathy and regard for other’s feelings? Yeah, he doesn’t have that. He understands the difference between right and wrong, he just doesn’t care. He makes up crazy lies because he doesn’t care that his lies hurt people. It’s almost as though I can’t be mad at him because he can’t control this stuff. Actually, I feel bad for him. I feel bad that he will never have a normal life; he will never truly love someone because he’s just not capable. And that’s just really sad.
Moving on… At work, my 4 female coworkers and my male boss told me that I need to take a break from dating for at least 6 months. They told me I could start dating again on October 1st. Imagine their horror when I told them I have a date tomorrow night. I met him on the “Junkyard” and he seems really nice. Probably too nice. He seems to be lacking the edge that I’m attracted to. My fear is that he’s gonna be a nice, sweet, normal guy. And I won’t be attracted to him. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? His pictures don’t show any tattoos and he seems like your average guy. I’m waiting for him to spring something on me like, “I have 3 girlfriends” or “I torture small animals in my spare time” or “I want to make a suit out of your skin.” We shall see what happens.