I went out with Mr. Saturday Night and just as I suspected, he was very nice. And normal. And average. I didn’t feel quite a connection but there was nothing wrong with him. And he does have tattoos, as it turns out. We went out to dinner (which I’m not really a fan of because I don’t like eating in front of boys I like) and he paid. He was sweet and personable and we hugged at the end of the night. He texted me immediately afterwards and said how he’d had such a great time and I’m so pretty and blah blah blah. I’ve decided to go on a second date since I read somewhere that people are usually nervous and weird on the first date and so you should always go on a second date unless you KNOW for a fact it’s not gonna work. Afterwards, I swung by GASTRIC BP’s place for some Girl’s Night action and then we hit some bars. The first bar was an utter and complete bust. We were pretty much the youngest people there. (Sidenote: I saw a 65 year old man headbanging.) Then some older dude came up to GASTRIC and said “Hello”. She replied, “Hi”. And then he said, “That’s all” and walked away. She was dumbfounded. I told her to immediately slam her beer and we got the hell out of that dump. We made our way to a bigger bar that’s open way later than all the other bars and the later it gets, the creepier the clientele. We made friends with the only male bartender and stayed for a drink. Oh and some weirdly too-tanned orange dude asked us our names. We left shortly after…
Monday night, I went out with a different guy. There was definitely more of a connection there. Saturday’s date felt like an interview where there was constant asking of questions and I know that’s how you’re supposed to get to know someone, but with Monday Night Guy, it was much more of a conversation. It just flowed more easily. We met at a bar for drinks and ended up chatting for about 2 hours. Our personalities are very similar and he’s pretty cute. We laughed a lot, we have some common interests and we’re complete opposites in other ways (he’s very into eating healthy and working out, I am not). I had a really good time and at the end of the night, he asked if he could kiss me - which I usually don’t like, but it was cute the way he did it and it fit the moment. I said yes and we made out a little bit. We left it that there will be a second date but we haven’t said when. We’ve been texting and Facebook messaging ever since. So far, so good; but I have uttered those words before only to be hurt and/or bewildered by bizarre behavior.
And finally folks, my 83-year old grandma is trying to hook me up with a waiter at her local Olive Garden. I got a voicemail AND an email describing the whole thing. The email was titled “New Sicilian Boyfriend”:
Hi ____I met this wonderful guy at the olive garden....he is a waiter and is going to be a lawyer...his father is a retired judge and his brother is a doctor (anesthesiologist at a New York hospital...is very family oriented...cooks sicilian gravy every weekend and loves his 90 year old grandmother very much...he is handsome and looks a lot like your brother and so sweet and manly...I think you would love to meet him..I persuaded him to give me his number for you and he seemed very interested...his name is ____ and his number is ____...please call him and let me know what you think....I think this is the one...love you tooooo much.....nan
So my friends, it has come to this. My grandma is now pimping me out to waiters in the greater Ocala area in hopes that one may be her granddaughter’s Prince Charming. Excuse me while I go sob myself to sleep.